quickfingers | Thisavrou

[This is a very important video message, Peter. ]

Do you know mean things you can say to boys? Like jokes but things that will make boys cry.

[Peter takes a moment before replying, a mix of pride that she'd come to him for this and joy at the notion of doing what he does best - being a little shit. For all he fought with his sisters back home he did his best to impart some wisdom on them too. That and they were just smart asses like him and able to quip back with enough practice. He's gotta do you justice, new little sis.]

Do I? You're talking to the King of Mean Things You Can Say To Boys. I'll keep it in the appropriate age range [when you're older he'll make sure you can really crush a guy's confidence] but like... let's start with why you wanna make 'em cry?

He made me cry first.

[That's all the reason she needs. But really, she just wants to say mean things so she can fit in. Making Richie cry would be icing on the cake. Then Eddie would think she's cool too. And she knows that Peter won't lecture her on being nice or anything. He'll teach her great things to say.]

Ah, yeah. Okay. We'll roast the little fu- fiend. [Probably shouldn't swear so much around you? Maybe? It'll slip out later, but at that point he can at least say an attempt was made. Peter exhales slowly as if this is going to be serious business before simply smiling.]

Okay, so. Here are the basics: If they're picking a fight you have to one up them by getting a better insult and there are lots of ways to do that. You can make it up or you can play off of who they are or what they're like. If you make it up you can make it as stupid as you want and you pretend whatever you say is true.

Like say a total nerd comes up to you and says you smell like dirt. You tell them it's better than smelling like hot trash. Then you keep callin' them stinky sewer trash all day. You can even sing it? Stinky sewage trash, stinky sewage trash, stinky sewage trash! [He's smiling. He's definitely done this to Wanda before, ok.]

You follow?

[She tries so so hard to follow. Really, she does. And she keeps up for a while, up until the singing part. Her eyes go wide at that and she ends up staring, cheeks turning red as she imagines herself actually trying to do something like that. When he asks her if she's caught up with him she shakes her head, teeth biting at her lower lip.]

Maybe I can stab instead of sing. It would be easier.

[And more effective, really.]

But I would get in trouble.

[SIGH. Dad and Charles, why won't you just let her use her claws?]

Yeah, stabbing's not the best way to go about it... [Caaaan't quite condone it.]

You'll catch on quick, I promise. If they're wearing glasses you can call 'em four eyes. But I find telling people they smell is pretty effective, even if it isn't true. It's how I'd make my sisters mad at me - I can promise it works.

You wanna practice a bit? You can practice with me if you want.

[Practice with him? She eagerly nods, smiling. She can do this, she can throw out insults with the best of them. She can make Peter proud. All she has to do is think of something really good. Her eyes narrow a little as she stares at him and tries to figure out the best insult.]

Your hair makes you look old.

[He doesn't smell, so she won't say that he does. But even she knows that was weak. Sighing, she rolls her eyes at her own inability.]

And you smell too sweet, like sugar cakes.

[He raises his brows because he's pretty sure anything she can dish out his sisters have already said (or someone else, at least once in his life-) so he's not at all fazed by the hair insult. Frankly it's the oldest one in the book, but for her it's a good start.]

One out of two stars on that, second one sounds more like a compliment? You need to word it a little better. Try saying 'stink' instead of smell. It's more of an insult. I stink like snack cakes.

You stink like snack cakes!

[Yes, she shouts that, because she's having fun with it. And then her nose starts to wiggle as she sniffs at the air. She's trying to scent him out to tell exactly where he's at right now. She keeps her end of the feed up as she plods along, sniffing at the air here and there.

Eventually her end of things cuts off abruptly, and she pops up wherever he is to sniff at his arms.]

Do you have any cake?

[She could really go for some right now okay. She doesn't even give him a chance to answer before saying,]

Tell me things I can say to someone with glasses. Mean things.

[Peter laughs because this is going great and he truly feels like a Good Older Brother preparing his sis to fight off morons on the playground.] See that's working, you're doing great.

I like the enthusiasm, too. It's... [Oh, hold on there Mantracker. Hello. He's lounging in the common area adjoining his bedroom, relaxing on some Kaittos brought pillows with one earbud in. He's really gotta find a way to get new batteries.]

Hey. [Sniffing tolerated - he sits forward and gives a show of his palms.] I don't have cake, but I've got this sugared bread stuff. It's not quite stale but we might as well eat it before it is.

[It wasn't on the table in front of them a minute ago, but now it is. He fixes his mussed hair and nods to it.] As for Four Eyes, God. Where to start? You can pretend to compliment them and say their glasses look nice. Then you say yeah, 'cause they cover up your ugly face.

[He smiles faintly, as if remembering an instance in which he's used that line. There have been a few.]

[He's lounging so she lounges on him, sitting right on his lap even though he hasn't invited her to. She's comfortable with him now, enough so that she leans over to grab the other earbud to put in her ear. She likes music.]

I can call him ugly.

[She reaches over to take the cake, munching on a little piece of it.]

But what if there's a boy you like? What are some joking things to say to him that will make him laugh?

[He adjusts the volume a little, offering her his cassette player to let her man the controls if she likes. He grabs a bit of the powdery snack before she gets properly settled, reclining casually - man, this reminds him of when his sis was this little.

Her request makes him tilt his head thoughtfully as he licks powered sugar off his thumb.] There's a boy you like?

[Amused, he's not about to tease her too hard - worst way to get the deets.] What's he like? Gotta know in order to know what might make him smile.

[She debates on whether or not to tell him anything. She doesn't understand any of this and is incredibly self-conscious about it. But Peter's better than talking to her dad about it, so she relents and lets him know a little.]

He likes birds. And books. And he is very nice.

[She smiles as she talks about him, feeling her cheeks turn a nice shade of pink. It makes her look down and away from him, since the warmth she feels while talking about Stan makes her feel like she's somehow weak.]

You won't tell anyone?

Nah, I won't. I swear. [He replies with an earnest smile, holding out his pinkie finger.]

I'm not sure about jokes, but I'm sure you can find something to talk about that'll maybe make him laugh or have a good time. If he likes birds you can talk about birds - maybe you guys can go hang out in the library together with some snacks, pick out some books you like and talk about them. He might be able to tell you some books that are really good.

[He's so keeping tabs on this.] Maybe he can read to you or vice versa, if you're comfortable with that.

peter, are you busy?
if not, i have a proposition for you.
in case you are, though, let me know when you're available because it will still stand.

Proposition? Why's this sound scary?

What's up.

it's nothing scary, i swear!
well, to be honest, it could be frightening for your tastebuds?
i don't think my cooking's ever been that horrible, though.
but anyway, i need a taste tester.

what are you making?

cookies!
lots and lots of them.

you have my attention now
my full attention

good to know i have it now, at least!
any specific cookies you like? i can try and make them.

I eat any and everything, kurt
except like
raisins rank lowest, I guess?

that's uh
a lot of cookies to eat.
so, no oatmeal raisin for you! got it

I say they rank lowest but that's not I won't eat them anyway...

But yeah, like. My mom called me a garbage disposal growing up, I just kinda need a lot of fuel y'anno?

okay, well, maybe i'll make some anyway.
'garbage disposal,' haha.
my mother never used that one on me. i'm the kid with the black hole for a stomach in the family, though, so i understand.

i support making every cookie, dude
you are an angel for it btw

making some of them taste correctly could be a challenge.
the planet we were recently able to visit didn't have all the ingredients needed, but i'm resourceful, if nothing!
my appearance might say otherwise. i'm flattered, nonetheless.

soooo i am technically a guinea pig?

that makes it sound bad!
besides, i'll be trying them, too.
whatever ones end up working out, you can have first dibs.

sounds good to me. deal.

great! i'll let you know when i've got everything together.

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